Thursday 20 November 2014

Post Varanasi Withdrawal Symptoms

I was worried, on my last few days in Varanasi, that I hadn't changed. I was still the same person, with the same mindset. I'd expected the trip and the city itself to impact me more. And I flew back disappointed, that Varanasi hadn't changed my life.

Except it did.

When I got back home last night, I fell asleep almost immediately. Nothing hit me. But this morning, I'm lost.
I've hit normalcy so soon after returning. Too soon.
How can Eight Days of Wonder be succeeded by so much normal?

And then I realised.
My life has changed. It has changed and it will never be exactly the same.
Because I have changed.
To say I've understood faith and religion would be a lie.
To say I've found questions would be a lie.

Yet, I have changed.
The city has broken off a part of me and kept it with itself.
And Varanasi has returned with us, dwelling inside us all.

So what is Faith?
Faith is the intangible creature that floats amongst us.
It can't be felt, or seen, or heard or even smelt.
Yet, it defines the basis of our existence.
Whether it is the faith mankind places on a higher being or the faith we have in eachother,
It is pivotal to our lives.

What is Fear?
What are we afraid of losing?
Our individuality is defined by the people around us.

'Our entire lives are the dialogue between what is within and what is outside.'

Varanasi has changed me as a person.
Not through its religious connection or its spirituality.
Just as a city.
With its warm, welcoming people.
And its noise and colours and cows.
And the people who made this journey with me.

I've learnt something from each of them.
Memories from the city are seared into my mind and the marks they've left, I'll wear with pride.
Before it begins to seem like too much, I'll sign off.
To conclude, I'll conclude.
Varanasi has taught me to question the Mapmakers,
And the Maps themselves.

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